Idolatry of Islam : Psychology of Religion studies.
“Islam in its truest sense can never actually lead to worship of itself. Rather it is the psychological attitude that determines the ego’s agenda. This agenda uses the social system and symbolic power of Islam for its own purpose, and this creates the mechanics of an idolizing relationship.”
- Karim Serageldin
Lessons from live classes at Noor Human.
Class 2 of Idolatry of Islam: Psychology of Religious Studies
Arrogance in Muslims
By Monique Hassan
Arrogance is essentially a prideful attitude of superiority. The opposite of humility. Arrogance in Muslims is not only a negative personality trait, it is a dangerous path. Original sin stems from pride when we look at the story of Iblis (satan) refusing to bow to Adam (peace be upon him).
People are not born arrogant, this develops overtime. Success is wonderful, but it does elevate one’s risk for arrogance. In those moments of success and achievement, we must remember to give praise and thanks to Allah (most glorified, most high). This simple act of gratitude and worship keeps us grounded.
Some people act arrogant as a defense mechanism; look a little deeper and that person is actually insecure and they fear rejection. It takes a level of self-esteem and trust in order to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. An insecure person is putting up a metaphorical shield when they act arrogant.
Narcissistic personality disorder describes someone with an over-inflated sense of self-worth and importance. Their sense of entitlement is evident and they do not mind stepping on others to get what they want. Again, we may be seeing a highly arrogant individual on the surface, but underneath that hides levels of insecurity. This person NEEDS validation and praise so they demand it.
Fatima feels she is above other sisters because she wears niqab. Yusuf has the longest beard; he strokes it while looking down at the clean-shaven brothers. These two believers chose to embrace a beautiful act of sunnah, yet they forget to remember what that actually means . Islamic character is more crucial than Islamic garments. A sister in niqab must be mindful that our behavior is part of our cover, rude and arrogant sisters are displaying immodest attitudes. A long beard becomes an adornment of superiority when a brother forgets he is following the guidance of our prophet Mohamed (peace be upon him).
Dangers of Arrogance
We must be mindful of the dangers of arrogance. It is more than just a negative personality trait. We are warned about arrogance from Allah (most glorified, most high).
وَلَا تَمْشِ فِي الْأَرْضِ مَرَحًا إِنَّكَ لَن تَخْرِقَ الْأَرْضَ وَلَن تَبْلُغَ الْجِبَالَ طُولًا
And do not walk upon the earth arrogantly. Indeed, you will never tear the earth [apart], and you will never reach the mountains in height. Quran 17:37
We are displaying a lack of Islamic character when we display arrogance and superiority complexes. This dark seed blossoms into a dangerous characteristic that can ruin marriages, disrupt families, tarnish career reputations and most dangerously; pull someone away from faith.
Prophet Mohamed (peace be upon him) said None shall enter the Fire (of Hell) who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of Iman and none shall enter Paradise who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of pride. Sahih, Muslim 91 hadith 172
Move away from Arrogance, take steps Forward
Humility in Muslims, the opposite of arrogance in Muslims, is attainable by even the most hardened narcissists. It is possible for someone to release themselves from the cage of arrogance with a degree of self-awareness and a willingness to move forward. This is not a fully inclusive list, but just a few examples of ways to improve.
Be more mindful of the people around you and respect their boundaries
Mindfulness is a popular phrase right now for good reason. Actively listen, listen to understand not to respond. Attempt to validate other’s opinions and offer real substance to interactions. Respect their boundaries physically and emotionally. Remember it is okay to disagree, but do it in a respectful manner. These actions will cause others to react more positively and promote healthier interactions. This can be practiced online in social platforms where one can feel less vulnerable.
Be charitable with your time
Giving money or material items for charity is a great deed, but one can benefit greatly from donating something we often consider invaluable, time. Don’t just donate money to the new Islamic school, show up and offer to help build or clean. Spend some time at a homeless shelter serving food or pick up litter from a kid’s park. We are encouraged to look at those in situations more difficult and less desirable than our own, instead of looking to those above us. This aids in creating a sense of humility and gratefulness.
Slow down in worship
Take a deep breath and center yourself before the initial Allahu Akbar of prayer. This is our time to worship, reconnect and ground ourselves in our faith. Scientific research supports the mental benefits of daily meditation. We do not need to spend extensive amounts of time in prayer, rather we need to make the most of that time. Quality over quantity. Focus on the words you are reciting and feel them. Focus only on your worship and ignore what is around you. Make sincere duaa and dhikr.
Self-Transformations are Possible
A degree of self-awareness, time and consistency can help us to achieve greater humility and back away from arrogance. Self-transformations are not an overnight process, stay consistent and moving forward. Please feel free to share your own personal insights into arrogance and humility.
May Allah (most glorified, most high) remove arrogance from our hearts and grant us greater patience and gratefulness. ameen.
Embracing Chaos for Personal Development
By Azadeh Weber
Within the human being, homeostasis can occur on a physiological or psychological level. Homeostasis refers to a system’s tendency towards equilibrium between interdependent elements and equilibrium is a state of equal balance between all interdependent parts. An example of homeostasis on the physiological level is when a person becomes cold and starts shivering to develop heat in order to restore his or her body temperature to normal range.
Physiological homeostasis can also have negative implications, such as when a person is unable to lose weight beyond a certain point, despite best practices. On a psychological level, homeostasis may have negative or positive implications as well. The purpose of this article is to describe some of the negative implications of psychological homeostasis, so as to begin to harness the growth potential in chaos. A cross country runner is familiar with the notion that for every uphill battle, there follows a time to coast downhill.
This being said, our emotions may operate automatically via homeostasis. If a person is feeling sad or angry the person may automatically distract themselves with something pleasant in order to return to the emotional state he or she is accustomed to as normal. This drive towards enhancing pleasure is based on the pleasure principle, rather than the reality principle. With regards to anger, the inability for anger to ground itself due to near constant distraction prevents a person from sublimating aggressiveness into assertiveness, leaving the person to experience anger in a dissociative state when it does arise. When in a dissociative state a person’s thoughts are disconnected from their consciousness. This means the person’s thoughts are split off from the person’s heart center and the person may become prone to cruelty.
There are times when homeostasis prevents the person from being able to sit with an uncomfortable emotion long enough to properly actualize the growth potential within each emotion. When an uncomfortable emotion is not grounded the risk is it may come up again in the future and interfere with a person’s ability to align their values and behaviors. A case in point is when a person has unprocessed trauma and as a result, experiences anxiety whenever he or she encounters an environmental cue associated with that trauma. In turn, the anxiety may impair the person’s attention to detail and lead to various mistakes. This happens quite suddenly and often at a below threshold level of awareness, catching the individual off guard. For example, if at the time of trauma, the air was cold and dry, now the person may get triggered by experiencing that climate in the future. The body starts to relive the trauma and the autonomic nervous system activates into fight or flight mode. The air and temperature can trigger a stress response in the individual and he or she doesn’t know why. Once the trauma is processed the environmental trigger and “existential anxiety” start to dissolve. Associated symptoms of anxiety such as impaired attention, difficulty focusing and lapses in executive functioning also start to dissolve.
According to the notion of Homeostasis, families also develop recurrent patterns of interaction that maintain the stability of the family, particularly in times of stress (Becvar & Becvar, 2009). This is referred to as systemic homeostasis and it becomes problematic when families act in ways that maintain a problem rather than change it for the better. An extreme case of this is when a family enables a member’s drug addiction by making excuses for this member and assuming the responsibilities of the member. Overtime, without responsibilities the member further loses meaning and purpose in their life and numbs the pain with more drugs.
An antidote to falling into a cycle of unproductive homeostasis is developing the inner resources, tools and social network to thrive in times of chaos. Embracing chaos is important because every step into positive change is experienced as the unknown. The unknown is unpredictable in the same way as chaos. For many people, this is antithesis to the pleasure principle. The unknown, the unpredictable and the mysterious may arouse fear within the rigid personality structure, causing the individual to distract themselves from the undesired emotion by returning to homeostasis, rather than embracing the mysterious and shifting into a flow state towards positive change. By all means, structure and order are important. However, strength of character develops in response to unpredictability so the value of chaos, wherein the mysterious lies, cannot be understated.
A sign of maturity is a person who has replaced the pleasure principle with the reality principle. In his book, “The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable, “ author Nassim Taleb (2007) explains the value of thriving in times of chaos. According to Taleb, resilience is the ability for a person to return to a normal state after the disaster. Returning to normal state after disaster is a positive presentation of homeostasis. Nonetheless, Taleb points out that there is a more preferable state to resilience and that state is anti-fragility. Anti-fragility is a preferred state to resilience because an anti-fragile person doesn’t simply return to their previous state after a disaster, he or she grows and thrives due to the chaos. Of course, perpetual chaos is not what we are after and we certainly don’t want to instigate chaos to benefit from it. Yet, chaos is unavoidable.
An effective life strategy is to have some psychological tools, namely emotional and social skills to leverage chaos when it shows up in our lives. One such strategy is calling out to Allah when we are feeling vulnerable, so as to draw closer to him. In this way we may consolidate our inner resources and reconnect to our strength and patience. Certainly, gratitude for everything, for all things are from Allah, is a blessing.
Taleb, N. N. (2007). The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable. Becvar, D. S., & Becvar, R. J. (2009). Family therapy: A systemic integration (7th ed. ed.). Boston: Allyn & Bacon.
Spirituality Within Sexuality
By Monique Hassan
By Monique Hassan
Those moments of intimacy and sexuality with your spouse, those special moments when no matter how much noise might be outside of the window, you are only aware of each other. That deep connection which is connected to your trust, vulnerability, emotions and your faith.
Edited blog, original posted on PsychCentral here,
Sex , when done in an ethical and halal manner, can not only be connected to your spirituality it can be a spiritual boost. For far too long, people have associated religion and spirituality with caged sexuality and something shameful. As if religious followers are not allowed to enjoy intimacy and they are limited only to missionary with the lights off. Sexuality does not diminish one’s modesty nor is it inappropriate for a woman to be highly sexual. One can still maintain modesty while being completely the opposite in the bedroom.
Some take the stance sex is meant for creating children and nothing more, but I do not know of any religion that truly condemns sexuality as some shameful act. Sure, many religions have conditions surrounding sexuality such as they state it cannot occur till after marriage or restrictions are put on engaging in sex during a woman’s menses, but this does not mean sexuality is shameful or discouraged. It simply means it has a correct place and time, it is not a free for all.
“…in man’s sexual Intercourse (with his wife, ) there is a Sadaqa. They (the Companions) said: Messenger of Allah, is there reward for him who satisfies his sexual passion among us? He said: Tell me, if he were to devote it to something forbidden, would it not be a sin on his part? Similarly, if he were to devote it to something lawful, he should have a reward.”
[Muslim]
Sex as a Spiritual Boost
When we frame sexuality as a blessing and we are grateful for it, we are more likely to treat it with care. If you abide by the rules of your faith and see sexuality as a pleasurable blessing meant to be shared between you and your loved one, you will benefit more spiritually from that connection .
Think of it like this, within religion and spirituality, striving to do acts which are permitted and finding joy and gratitude in those acts is showing gratitude and enjoying the blessings bestowed upon us. When someone with faith appreciates their blessings and enjoys them, it is an act of worship.
Sexuality is also a way to give to your spouse and be generous. Sexuality should not be approached with a selfish attitude of “get what I want and leave.” Taking the time to make it pleasurable for your spouse and keeping their needs in mind is serving your spouse, which is a form of worship when you are enjoining good with them.
Mental Health Benefits of Sexuality
When you orgasm, you release prolactin. This hormone is associated with feelings of relaxation and can help you sleep better. Additionally, studies show women that get more sleep often have higher libidos. Healthy sleep impacts our ability to focus, our mood and even our appetite.
A healthy sex life can help you reduce anxiety and depression. Oxytocin is released during foreplay and sex, this lovely hormone helps reduce anxiety and is linked to empathy and generosity. That natural high people achieve when they do an intense workout at the gym is the same natural high you can get from making love to your spouse.
Sex can boost your self-esteem if your partner makes you feel desired and seductive. Beautifully, your self-esteem is also lifted when you realize you are providing intense pleasure for them. Imagine making your wife or husband scream, it makes you feel good about yourself doesn’t it?
Marital Benefits of Sexuality
During foreplay, oxytocin is released which impacts bonding. That closeness you feel with your partner during sex can extend beyond the bedroom and improve your overall bond. It is not a surprise that many people joke about “make up sex” as it is a way to reconnect and heal, even if you were yelling 30 minutes prior.
Unhealthy and unfulfilling sex lives are linked to a higher chance of divorce. A healthy sex life that is full of exploration, depth and openness can provide a happier marriage. That is not to say that sex can cure all marriage issues, but it certainly can help.
Communication is often improved by couples that are more willing to explore their sexuality together. Trust is a component of any healthy relationship. Often, intimacy requires feeling vulnerable and open. When we are that exposed to someone else and we invite them into it, we are building trust.
Final Thoughts
You know those transcendental moments of love, ecstasy and bliss. What a blessing from Allah (the most revered, most glorified) sexuality is. In those special moments, you are connecting to the love of your life in an emotional, spiritual and loving way. It is a blessing we should be gratefulfor. Sexuality is not against religion and spirituality; it aligns with a deeper spiritual connection, gratitude for this special act and a way to serve your spouse
Spirituality & Robotic Rituals
By Monique Hassan
The sweetness of faith can be intoxicating, giving us emotional highs and tears of pure love. Those moments when we fall into prostration, sincerely crying and connecting to our An-Nur, the Light, God.
Think about the times you were reciting Quran and felt it in your heart, really felt it. I love those moments when we open Quran and read a verse that seems to speak to us as if Allah (the Most Honored and Exalted) was responding. However, just as we have spiritual highs, we have spiritual lows.
A heart lacking the divine connection while in worship begins to perform like a robot. We have to pray, this is obligatory, but sometimes the one in worship is functioning like a cold robot going through the motions but they lack focus and sincerity. They are performing on auto-pilot.
If you would like to continue reading about spiritual poverty and robotic rituals, including but not limited to practical steps you can take TODAY to improve your spiritual wealth, Click here on Muslim Matters to read the original piece.