Finding Balance in Virtue: Avoiding Extremes
Finding Balance in Virtue: Avoiding Extremes
In the pursuit of leading a virtuous life, it's crucial to strike a balance. Virtues, after all, are the building blocks of our character. They guide us towards being better individuals and contributing positively to our communities. However, like most things in life, it's possible to veer off track when practicing virtues.
Let's take the virtue of helping others, for instance. It's a noble and beautiful aspiration to lend a hand, support those in need, and be a force for good in the world. Yet, as with many virtues, there's a delicate balance to be maintained.
Consider this: virtues are like a spectrum, and at each end, there's an extreme. On one end, you have the deficiency of the virtue, where it's lacking. On the other, you have the excess, where it's overdone. The sweet spot, where the virtue truly shines, lies somewhere in between.
Take the example of wanting to help people. It's undoubtedly a virtuous endeavor. However, if taken to extremes, it can lead to dysfunctionality, harm, inauthenticity, insincerity, or even dishonesty. That's where the trouble begins.
Imagine someone who is overly eager to help. They might offer assistance when it's not needed or push their help onto others without considering their wishes. This excessive desire to help can become a burden rather than a blessing.
Similarly, the motive behind helping matters greatly. Are you helping out of genuine care and compassion, or is it driven by a need for validation or recognition? When virtuous actions are tainted by insincerity or hidden agendas, they lose their purity.
Furthermore, there's the danger of neglecting other virtues when one is pursued to an extreme. A person solely fixated on helping others may inadvertently compromise other virtues like honesty or fairness. This unbalanced approach can lead to mistakes and setbacks in the overall journey towards virtuous living.
So, what's the takeaway from all this? Virtues are indeed the pillars of a meaningful life, but they should be practiced mindfully. Finding that harmonious middle ground is key. It's about being genuinely virtuous without crossing over into extremes that may diminish the very virtue you seek to embody.
In essence, it's not just about practicing virtues; it's about practicing them wisely and in moderation. By doing so, you can ensure that your virtuous pursuits are authentic, sincere, and truly transformative for both you and the world around you.
Procrastination Syndrome
Procrastination syndrome, characterized by chronic and persistent procrastination, can have various underlying causes. While the exact reasons may differ from person to person, some common factors that contribute to procrastination include:
Perfectionism: Individuals with high levels of perfectionism may avoid starting or completing tasks because they fear not being able to meet their own excessively high standards.
Fear of failure: The fear of failing at a task or not being able to do it perfectly can lead to procrastination as a way to avoid potential disappointment or negative evaluations.
Lack of motivation: When individuals lack interest or intrinsic motivation in a task, they may put it off in favor of more enjoyable or rewarding activities.
Overwhelm: Feeling overwhelmed by the complexity or magnitude of a task can lead to avoidance and procrastination.
Low self-esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may doubt their abilities, leading to a lack of confidence in their capacity to complete a task successfully.
Time management issues: Poor time management skills can result in inefficient use of time, leading to tasks being postponed until the last minute.
Avoidance of negative emotions: Some people procrastinate to avoid facing uncomfortable emotions such as anxiety, stress, or boredom associated with the task.
Lack of clear goals: Uncertainty about the desired outcome or the purpose of a task can hinder motivation and lead to procrastination.
Task aversion: Tasks that are perceived as unpleasant or unenjoyable are more likely to be put off in favor of more appealing activities.
Distractions: An environment with numerous distractions, such as social media, can hinder focus and encourage procrastination.
Lack of accountability: When individuals lack external accountability or support, they may struggle to remain committed to completing tasks.
Executive functioning deficits: Challenges in executive functioning, such as difficulties in planning, organizing, or prioritizing tasks, can contribute to procrastination.
What is Emotional Availability?
Emotional availability refers to the ability and willingness of an individual to be emotionally present, responsive, and open in their relationships with others. Someone who is emotionally available can effectively recognize, understand, and express their own emotions and also attune to the emotions of others in a sensitive and empathetic manner.
Key characteristics of emotional availability include:
Emotional Expression: Emotionally available individuals can express their feelings openly and honestly without fear of judgment or rejection. They are comfortable sharing both positive and negative emotions with others.
Empathy and Understanding: They have the capacity to empathize and understand the emotions of others. They can put themselves in someone else's shoes and respond with compassion and support.
Responsiveness: Emotionally available people are responsive to the emotional needs of others. They actively listen and validate feelings, providing comfort and reassurance when necessary.
Vulnerability: They are willing to be vulnerable and share their authentic selves with others. This openness fosters trust and intimacy in relationships.
Consistency: Emotionally available individuals show consistent emotional engagement and support in their relationships, rather than fluctuating between distant and engaged behaviors.
Communication: They communicate openly and effectively about emotions and relationship dynamics, fostering clear and healthy emotional exchanges.
Boundaries: Emotionally available individuals understand the importance of setting and respecting emotional boundaries in relationships.
Emotional availability is vital for building and maintaining healthy, intimate, and fulfilling connections with others. It is an essential aspect of secure attachment, which lays the foundation for positive and supportive relationships throughout life.
On the contrary, emotional unavailability refers to the difficulty or unwillingness to engage emotionally in relationships. Emotionally unavailable individuals may struggle to express their emotions, avoid vulnerability, or be dismissive of the emotions of others. This can lead to challenges in forming deep, meaningful connections and may result in a cycle of emotional distance and dissatisfaction in relationships.
Ep 82 Men, Sex, & Spirit
Men, sexuality, spirituality.
Reflections on Muslim men with same sex attraction cases.
Existential becoming of masculinity and faith in the Divine.
Group Support with Michael G
discord.com/invite/7FZMfWb
mental healthmensexualityfaithGodCatholicChristianIslampsychologyspiritualityreligion
Men, sexuality, spirituality.
Reflections on Muslim men with same sex attraction cases.
Existential becoming of masculinity and faith in the Divine.
Group Support with Michael G
discord.com/invite/7FZMfWb
mental healthmensexualityfaithGodCatholicChristianIslampsychologyspiritualityreligion
Ep 81 Men, Sex & Spirit - Michael Gasparro by Coffee with Karim Podcast is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
Building Self-Efficacy and Self-Agency with Intention Setting
Self-efficacy is defined as a person's belief in their ability to achieve goals.
Higher levels of self-efficacy are linked to enhanced performance, better social outcomes and overall physical and psychological health. Furthermore, self-efficacy has a positive effect on self-agency, which is a person's ability to coordinate their inner and outer resources to reach a goal. Self-efficacy is different from self-esteem because it focuses on "doing," whereas self-esteem focuses on "being" of value.
According to Dr. Albert Bandura, the Stanford psychologist who introduced the concept of self-efficacy there are 4 ways to increase self-efficacy; mastery experiences, vicarious experiences, verbal persuasion, and emotional and physiological states. Mastery experiences can result from setting goals and then achieving them. If I say I am going to start exercising and I follow through, then my beliefs about my ability to a accomplish goals is increased and I have stronger beliefs in my ability to achieve future goals. Vicarious experiences relate to believing you are capable of achievement because someone you know has modeled achievement to you. The effect of role models and mentors on our success is highlighted. The enhancement of self-efficacy through verbal persuasion is the result of positive self-talk or positive unconditional regard from a family member, friend, supervisor, peer or counselor. Emotional and physiological states refers to the importance of our overall emotional and physical well-being to the development of self-efficacy.
In seeking to establish a sense of optimal well-being it is very useful to focus on techniques to enhance self-efficacy and self-agency since our beliefs about our abilities underlie our stress management, accomplishments and almost every action step we take. If and when you believe you are capable of attaining the next level in your path, coupled with a proven track record of coordinating your inner and outer resources to create progress, a greater ease of manner will unfold.
In building self-efficacy and self-agency, first set an intention. This will give a secure foundation of beliefs to your goal oriented behavior. The overall aim of the believer is to integrate the physical, mental, emotional, moral and spiritual aspects of human living as worship of Allah SWT, so as to attain (taqwa), awareness of Allah SWT in day to day activities. The Muslim's ability to achieve this has to do with their self-efficacy. If a Muslim has a robust self-efficacy he or she will actualize beliefs about his or her abilities to move closer to a state of taqwa. The formulation of intention requires one to next set a goal, establish a purpose and create an action plan.
From an Islamic psychological perspective,
formulating and purifying intention is integral to purifying the heart. If you notice that your values and behaviors are misaligned, and you repetitively act in ways that counter your beliefs this is a good indication that you have cognitive dissonance with some degree of anxiety. To integrate your aspects of self and return to wholeness, the heart has to be purified in order to gain clarity about which direction to take. To build the knowledge on how to integrate your being, resolve cognitive dissonance and align values and behavior, return to the heart. The way of knowing that is through the heart tells us how to do things. The way of knowing that is through the mind tells us what to do. We benefit when actualizing both paths to knowledge.
This does not mean the Muslim on the path of taqwa, leaves this world behind, rather it means he or she is clear about how his or her goals and action plans in this world are connected to his or her ultimate intention to serve Allah SWT. For example, if my goal is professional development, I seek to establish myself professionally for the sake of Allah SWT and to earn an income to my support family. Although, this is a great goal, I may fail if I don't have a solid action plan.
The goal is set on the level of the mind,
which is closely associated with beliefs (eman). In our path to success we want to harness the mind and beliefs to get to the heart (qalb). This is where to find an understanding of how to take action to achieve the goal. The heart is associated with ihsan, which is moving beyond beliefs to the level of worshipping Allah SWT as if we see him. Here is where we connect to a sense of divine purpose and where our beliefs become awakened. The purpose relates to why we should pursue a goal to attainment. Once clear about what to do and why to do it, then strategize and come up with an action plan for how to get it done.
Keeping with the example above, an action plan to use professional development for optimal benefit and personal growth includes spiritual, emotional, physical and mental components. The spiritual component keeps us connected to our intention, where the goal came from in the first place. For example, in order to reach my goal of professional development I may resolve to study Islam for 20 minutes each evening. The emotional component of the action plan relates to strengthening my inner resources in order to fuel the behaviors I need to reach my goals. For example, I may put aside 30 minutes each day to practice self-care so as to maintain my sense of tolerance and patience towards self and others. The mental component of the action plan relates to developing the intellectual resources I need for professional development. For example, I may study a new software program for 1 hour in the evening to attain greater job security. The physical component of the action plan relates to maintaining the physical health necessary to sustain professional development. For example, I may exercise at least 5 times per week to keep my overall energy level up.
When creating the action plan,
the importance of setting quantifiable markers cannot be understated. Quantifiable markers, such as how many times a week or how many repetitions per day, allow one to measure and monitor their goal oriented behavior to stay on track. Once your intention is clear, make sure that the goals you set for yourself are realistic and personalized to your situation. For someone who is struggling with self-doubt, even small goals in the right direction will make a big difference over time and eventually roll into bigger goals, inshallah. On the other hand, a person with a healthy sense of self may be ready for more complex goals. The enhanced self-efficacy that is cultivated when a goal is achieved, big or small, can then be generalized into achieving goals in various dimension of life: occupational, spiritual, social, intellectual, emotional and physical.
For further reading - Come to Success through Living Eman, by Kamal Shaarawy & Leslie Schaffer