Arrogance in Muslims
By Monique Hassan
Arrogance is essentially a prideful attitude of superiority. The opposite of humility. Arrogance in Muslims is not only a negative personality trait, it is a dangerous path. Original sin stems from pride when we look at the story of Iblis (satan) refusing to bow to Adam (peace be upon him).
People are not born arrogant, this develops overtime. Success is wonderful, but it does elevate one’s risk for arrogance. In those moments of success and achievement, we must remember to give praise and thanks to Allah (most glorified, most high). This simple act of gratitude and worship keeps us grounded.
Some people act arrogant as a defense mechanism; look a little deeper and that person is actually insecure and they fear rejection. It takes a level of self-esteem and trust in order to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. An insecure person is putting up a metaphorical shield when they act arrogant.
Narcissistic personality disorder describes someone with an over-inflated sense of self-worth and importance. Their sense of entitlement is evident and they do not mind stepping on others to get what they want. Again, we may be seeing a highly arrogant individual on the surface, but underneath that hides levels of insecurity. This person NEEDS validation and praise so they demand it.
Fatima feels she is above other sisters because she wears niqab. Yusuf has the longest beard; he strokes it while looking down at the clean-shaven brothers. These two believers chose to embrace a beautiful act of sunnah, yet they forget to remember what that actually means . Islamic character is more crucial than Islamic garments. A sister in niqab must be mindful that our behavior is part of our cover, rude and arrogant sisters are displaying immodest attitudes. A long beard becomes an adornment of superiority when a brother forgets he is following the guidance of our prophet Mohamed (peace be upon him).
Dangers of Arrogance
We must be mindful of the dangers of arrogance. It is more than just a negative personality trait. We are warned about arrogance from Allah (most glorified, most high).
وَلَا تَمْشِ فِي الْأَرْضِ مَرَحًا إِنَّكَ لَن تَخْرِقَ الْأَرْضَ وَلَن تَبْلُغَ الْجِبَالَ طُولًا
And do not walk upon the earth arrogantly. Indeed, you will never tear the earth [apart], and you will never reach the mountains in height. Quran 17:37
We are displaying a lack of Islamic character when we display arrogance and superiority complexes. This dark seed blossoms into a dangerous characteristic that can ruin marriages, disrupt families, tarnish career reputations and most dangerously; pull someone away from faith.
Prophet Mohamed (peace be upon him) said None shall enter the Fire (of Hell) who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of Iman and none shall enter Paradise who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of pride. Sahih, Muslim 91 hadith 172
Move away from Arrogance, take steps Forward
Humility in Muslims, the opposite of arrogance in Muslims, is attainable by even the most hardened narcissists. It is possible for someone to release themselves from the cage of arrogance with a degree of self-awareness and a willingness to move forward. This is not a fully inclusive list, but just a few examples of ways to improve.
Be more mindful of the people around you and respect their boundaries
Mindfulness is a popular phrase right now for good reason. Actively listen, listen to understand not to respond. Attempt to validate other’s opinions and offer real substance to interactions. Respect their boundaries physically and emotionally. Remember it is okay to disagree, but do it in a respectful manner. These actions will cause others to react more positively and promote healthier interactions. This can be practiced online in social platforms where one can feel less vulnerable.
Be charitable with your time
Giving money or material items for charity is a great deed, but one can benefit greatly from donating something we often consider invaluable, time. Don’t just donate money to the new Islamic school, show up and offer to help build or clean. Spend some time at a homeless shelter serving food or pick up litter from a kid’s park. We are encouraged to look at those in situations more difficult and less desirable than our own, instead of looking to those above us. This aids in creating a sense of humility and gratefulness.
Slow down in worship
Take a deep breath and center yourself before the initial Allahu Akbar of prayer. This is our time to worship, reconnect and ground ourselves in our faith. Scientific research supports the mental benefits of daily meditation. We do not need to spend extensive amounts of time in prayer, rather we need to make the most of that time. Quality over quantity. Focus on the words you are reciting and feel them. Focus only on your worship and ignore what is around you. Make sincere duaa and dhikr.
Self-Transformations are Possible
A degree of self-awareness, time and consistency can help us to achieve greater humility and back away from arrogance. Self-transformations are not an overnight process, stay consistent and moving forward. Please feel free to share your own personal insights into arrogance and humility.
May Allah (most glorified, most high) remove arrogance from our hearts and grant us greater patience and gratefulness. ameen.
Spirituality Within Sexuality
By Monique Hassan
By Monique Hassan
Those moments of intimacy and sexuality with your spouse, those special moments when no matter how much noise might be outside of the window, you are only aware of each other. That deep connection which is connected to your trust, vulnerability, emotions and your faith.
Edited blog, original posted on PsychCentral here,
Sex , when done in an ethical and halal manner, can not only be connected to your spirituality it can be a spiritual boost. For far too long, people have associated religion and spirituality with caged sexuality and something shameful. As if religious followers are not allowed to enjoy intimacy and they are limited only to missionary with the lights off. Sexuality does not diminish one’s modesty nor is it inappropriate for a woman to be highly sexual. One can still maintain modesty while being completely the opposite in the bedroom.
Some take the stance sex is meant for creating children and nothing more, but I do not know of any religion that truly condemns sexuality as some shameful act. Sure, many religions have conditions surrounding sexuality such as they state it cannot occur till after marriage or restrictions are put on engaging in sex during a woman’s menses, but this does not mean sexuality is shameful or discouraged. It simply means it has a correct place and time, it is not a free for all.
“…in man’s sexual Intercourse (with his wife, ) there is a Sadaqa. They (the Companions) said: Messenger of Allah, is there reward for him who satisfies his sexual passion among us? He said: Tell me, if he were to devote it to something forbidden, would it not be a sin on his part? Similarly, if he were to devote it to something lawful, he should have a reward.”
[Muslim]
Sex as a Spiritual Boost
When we frame sexuality as a blessing and we are grateful for it, we are more likely to treat it with care. If you abide by the rules of your faith and see sexuality as a pleasurable blessing meant to be shared between you and your loved one, you will benefit more spiritually from that connection .
Think of it like this, within religion and spirituality, striving to do acts which are permitted and finding joy and gratitude in those acts is showing gratitude and enjoying the blessings bestowed upon us. When someone with faith appreciates their blessings and enjoys them, it is an act of worship.
Sexuality is also a way to give to your spouse and be generous. Sexuality should not be approached with a selfish attitude of “get what I want and leave.” Taking the time to make it pleasurable for your spouse and keeping their needs in mind is serving your spouse, which is a form of worship when you are enjoining good with them.
Mental Health Benefits of Sexuality
When you orgasm, you release prolactin. This hormone is associated with feelings of relaxation and can help you sleep better. Additionally, studies show women that get more sleep often have higher libidos. Healthy sleep impacts our ability to focus, our mood and even our appetite.
A healthy sex life can help you reduce anxiety and depression. Oxytocin is released during foreplay and sex, this lovely hormone helps reduce anxiety and is linked to empathy and generosity. That natural high people achieve when they do an intense workout at the gym is the same natural high you can get from making love to your spouse.
Sex can boost your self-esteem if your partner makes you feel desired and seductive. Beautifully, your self-esteem is also lifted when you realize you are providing intense pleasure for them. Imagine making your wife or husband scream, it makes you feel good about yourself doesn’t it?
Marital Benefits of Sexuality
During foreplay, oxytocin is released which impacts bonding. That closeness you feel with your partner during sex can extend beyond the bedroom and improve your overall bond. It is not a surprise that many people joke about “make up sex” as it is a way to reconnect and heal, even if you were yelling 30 minutes prior.
Unhealthy and unfulfilling sex lives are linked to a higher chance of divorce. A healthy sex life that is full of exploration, depth and openness can provide a happier marriage. That is not to say that sex can cure all marriage issues, but it certainly can help.
Communication is often improved by couples that are more willing to explore their sexuality together. Trust is a component of any healthy relationship. Often, intimacy requires feeling vulnerable and open. When we are that exposed to someone else and we invite them into it, we are building trust.
Final Thoughts
You know those transcendental moments of love, ecstasy and bliss. What a blessing from Allah (the most revered, most glorified) sexuality is. In those special moments, you are connecting to the love of your life in an emotional, spiritual and loving way. It is a blessing we should be gratefulfor. Sexuality is not against religion and spirituality; it aligns with a deeper spiritual connection, gratitude for this special act and a way to serve your spouse
Spiritual Bypassing with Dr. Azadeh Weber
What is spiritual bypassing? How does it impact our psychology and religious practice? Dr. Azadeh Weber, a provider at Noor Human Consulting, joins me discuss examples and tips for self-awareness and personal development.
Building a Tool Box of Psychological Coping Strategies through Islamic Education
The role of self-knowledge and self-awareness is intricately related to mental health.
Islamic Educational Paradigm provides a framework for the development of these capacities and human potential. According to Avicenna, the Ruh (spirit) of man/woman is innately self-aware and by increasing awareness of the Ruh, one becomes aware of their innate self-awareness. Perfect mental health, however, eludes us because knowledge and understanding of the Ruh, the spirit and essence of man/woman, is only known to Allah SWT. In Surah Al-Isra (The Journey by Night, verse 17:85) of the Quran, we are reminded the Ruh (spirit) is commanded by Allah SWT and not even a little knowledge of it is given to humans. Nonetheless, the awareness of the Ruh through the softening of the Qalb (heart) goes a very long way when it comes to mental health.
The post-renaissance paradigms of Reductionism and Abstractionism have eliminated the Existential Reality of Ruh in all human endeavors.
This is of course because the Ruh can not be stated or described in any perception and cognitive human understanding, and is only known to Allah (verse 17:85 of the Quran). According to Islamic Sciences, the omission of the Ruh is a limit of Psychoanalytical Theory, founded by psychologist, Dr. Sigmund Freud. Even so Dr. Freud’s list and description of the primitive and sophisticated psychological defense mechanisms offer useful reference points, as they pertain to a limited scope of reality.
This being said, Ruh (spirit) is the essence of transnaturization (change at the level of nature, rather than change at the level of habits) of non-existence into existence. Any entity in creation has been brought into existence from non-existence by Allah SWT. None in creation has any knowledge of non-existence other than Allah SWT. There is a spectrum of existence and non-existence in Allah’s creation and humans can only perceive a finite part of the Existential Spectrum. The deduction from all this is Ruh is not known fully by anyone other than Allah SWT. Allah SWT has created us in synergy, spirit and matter. Synergy and matter can be defined by humans, but not spirit.
Therefore, if no one can define spirit (Ruh) then how can one create a process, procedure and practice and name it “Spiritualism?” Is spirituality/spiritual practice a non-existential illusion of Abstractionism? In Islam, with regards to the interconnectedness and unity of things (Tawheed) the concept of Divinity is a better descriptor than Spirituality. Additionally, using the term Divinity instead of Spirituality helps to differentiate between good and evil essential interconnective qualities.
In consideration of the aforementioned, three psychological coping strategies embedded in an Islamic education are illustrated below:
The first psychological coping strategy is a striving for Unity of Personality. Through reflection upon the concept of Tawheed, we further understand unity of personality. Unity of personality refers to consistency in thought, action and emotions. When such consistency is our intention and we strive towards it, our mental health improves, as does our functioning in important areas of life. When psychological consistency is lacking cognitive dissonance arises. Cognitive dissonance in turn leads to anxiety. Anxiety, if unmanaged and without a proper channel of expression, will lead to behavior based upon psychological fragmentation and the element of fragmentation will be introduced into our environment.
There are three factors that obstruct the unity of personality.
These three factors are; uncertain insight, unhealthy attitudes, and imbalanced actions. When a person suffers from one or more of these factors his or her mental health will be adversely affected and his or her functioning in important areas of life will be impaired. Islam coordinates these three factors and provides grounds for mental health (Sajedi, 2008). For example, a person who is suspicious of others and assumes the worst about them will exhibit behaviors that embody this unhealthy attitude and it will affect his/her social behaviors. With regards to uncertain insight, a Muslim identity grounded in the insight arrived at through an Islamic education, provides a person with a basis for opinions. This is important because a person who has no particular opinions is easily affected by everyone (Hamidi, Bagherzadeh, Gafarzadeh, 2010). Another case in point is a person who is prone to narcissistic behavior will eventually alienate themselves from others and as a result will experience symptoms commonly associated with depression and anxiety. If and when one experiences psychological discomfort, he or she may counter these feelings by sublimating them into a striving for unity of personality. One way to do this is through heartfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapy or self-study.
A second psychological coping strategy from Islamic education is the cultivation of Hope.
Without hope, we are left with symptoms of anxiety and depression, such as loss of motivation, anger outbursts and/or inability to prepare for the future. Islam places great emphasis on hope. An Islamic education teaches us how to access hope through Allah’s mercy and rise above our worldly affairs through a sense of value for our own dignity. According to Imam Ali, the person who knows the value of his/her dignity finds the world to be too small for him/her. It is when we are disassociated from our iman (faith) that disappointment in Allah’s mercy occurs and we lose our sense of dignity. The result of a loss of dignity is an unnecessary preoccupation with temporary and worldly circumstances.
According to Dr. Lazaros and Dr. Folkman, who came up with the Transactional Model of Stress and Coping, the person who has hope has confidence in themselves. In turn, confidence is positively correlated with positive affect enhancement. Hope may be arrived at through the cultivation of higher levels of patience, as patience enables one to persevere in spite of hardships. In Islam, there are levels of patience. At the bare minimum, patience entails refraining from doing bad. A higher level of patience is refraining from doing bad without complaining about it. An even more sophisticated level of patience is refraining from doing bad, not complaining about it, being thankful for everything because it is from Allah SWT and finally channeling this gratefulness into good deeds.
A third psychological coping strategy informed by Islamic education is Self-knowledge and Self-development.
Al-Ghazali, in The Book of Knowledge asserts that seeking knowledge is the duty of all Muslims. This knowledge extends to self-knowledge. It is through knowing one’s self that one can cultivate awareness of the Ruh and consciousness of Allah SWT. This consciousness has a calming effect on the psychology of the person. Moreover, self-knowledge is the introduction to self-development (Hamidi, Bagherzadeh & Gafarzadeh, 2010). According to Dr. Maslow, self-development is the highest form of psychological growth. By intending self-development, aligning one’s behaviors, and attuning one’s heart into this endeavor, a sense of serenity is experienced.
A practical tip to building a psychological toolbox with the aforementioned coping strategies is to spend 5 minutes at the end of the day reflecting upon the events of the day with evenly spaced attention. This reflective exercise builds self-knowledge in general, and in specific, it is an exercise of patience through the examination of one’s strengths and areas for growth. Furthermore, this reflective exercise supports one to have insight into the fragments in one’s personality; where one’s emotions, thoughts, and actions would benefit from greater integration. Such insight provides one with the direction and freedom necessary to strive towards the unity of personality.
Reference -
The Role of Islamic Education in Mental Health, by Farideh Hamidi , Zohreh Bagherzadeh ,
Sobhan Gafarzadeh , 2010
The Rest of this Ravan, by Sajedi Abolfazi, 2008