Psychological Triggers

By Monique Hassan

Social media comments and memes criticize and ridicule others by saying “triggered” and laugh it off as emotional weakness. This word has become a meme in itself and is often said with a tone of sarcasm. Yet, the concept of psychological triggers is not only very real; it is an integral part of treatment plans and recovery. As a patient, one is often asked to identify their triggers and their coping skills. As a provider, one can better assess why a patient reacts the way they do by isolating their triggers.

What is a psychological trigger

A trigger is a stimulus that acts as an alarm system, causing the person to recall an experience or a specific memory. They are transported back to this moment of trauma and it can be debilitating. The trigger itself may not be traumatic, but it can stimulate a previously traumatic event.

Types of triggers

The scent of apple pie may cause a smile at the thought of one’s Mother baking homemade pie or one may instantly recall the intruder that attacked their family while a pie was in the oven.

Highways may trigger a panic attack in Jane as she experiences flashbacks of the horrifying car accident that put her in the hospital for months.

A rape victim may not be able to handle the touch of man who has tattoos since her trauma memory keeps replaying his tattoo-covered arms restraining her.

Loud arguments cause John to hide in his room because his parents always fought loudly before they abused him.

Time for an exercise. Identifying your own triggers.

  • Write down 3 triggers that are personal for you
  • Write down why these triggers impact you
  • Write down how these triggers make you feel. angry? sad? anxious?

Being able to identify your own psychological triggers and understand them helps you recognize where they stem from and how you can begin to control them.

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Marriage & Love Myths

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By Qudsia Osmani


In my single days I would take a look at married couples and think they had it all together. They knew exactly how to be the perfect husband and wife, all because they fell in love. From a young age we’ve been taught fairytales exist. After all what are princesses and princes for? From books to movies all displaying the same theme; “All you need is love”  Isn’t that the common denominator of happily ever after? 

Yes, love is a part of a successful marriage, but No, it is not the end all be all of whether we marry that person we feel it for, or end that marriage that no longer harbors that feeling. There are many myths attached with the word love. Myths that can ultimately lead us to making the wrong decisions. 

Myth #1: Love is a feeling

Love, what does it mean anyway? Love is categorized as a noun (a person, place, a thing, or an idea.) When we think about love, the first thing that comes to mind is a feeling. We make a very long term decision based on this feeling of “love”. That feeling can very easily be mistaken for lust even if our intentions are good. Deciphering between them comes down to changing our perspective. We needto view the word “love” as an action verb (physical and mental action) rather than a noun. This allows us to determine what we want from a spouse. Feelings can fade, but when you clearly demonstrate what actions and decisions you bring to a marriage, it’s concrete.  With actions, love and feelings blossom. In a marriage you don't feel butterflies in your stomach everyday, but with time you recall all of the moments that count, and all the effort and action that was put in. 

Myth #2: Love will know exactly what I want and need.

No one is a mind reader. The thing with the word love, is it can have different meanings for everyone according to their expectations. We all have different upbringings and understandings of love. Check in with the person you want to spend your life with. Ask what you can do to make them feel loved. Discuss what your deal breakers are, talk about what you want out of a marriage. Ask the uncomfortable questions in order to have realistic expectations of each other. The key is to communicate what you want from each other and determine whether or not you can carry it out. 

Myth#3: My spouse will change for me, because he/she loves me

We’re all wishful thinkers when it comes to love. Every individual has certain life choices they make. When love is involved our vision may become blurred to the things we want from our spouse versus who they actually are.  It’s important to learn about your spouse from what they tell you about themselves. Don’t expect the opposite or that you can convince them otherwise. Have conversations about what compromises and sacrifices your each willing to make. Discuss what you’re not willing to give up. Then determine whether you can agree on those things. When an individual is unwilling to change something about themselves that you’ve known from the beginning, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Accepting a person for their individuality can help you both grow in love.  If you are at the beginning of getting to know someone, listen to what they say, how they react, how they describe themselves and their wants. Before you say yes determine if you have a clear picture or a blurred vision.

Myth #4: When your spouse suggests therapy they don't love you anymore

Therapy, counseling, or any form of professional help when it comes to marriage has long seemed taboo. When we hear those words we've been conditioned to think that our marriage has failed, yet it's quite the opposite. It's important that we put our preconceived notions aside and see that our spouse is looking for a solution to strengthen the marriage. When it comes to a life long journey, we should  be willing to put in the time to fix our marriage. If you've been married for a while and you keep running into the same differences you believed your spouse would change, seek advice. Allah explains in the Qur'an there is nothing to be ashamed of when trying to settle one's differences between a husband and wife.

Quran Jewel

"If you [believers] fear that a couple may break up, appoint one arbiter from his family and one from hers. Then, if the couple wants to put things right, God will bring about a reconciliation between them: He is all knowing, all aware." (4:35)

We established that love is an on going action. It is valuable to remind ourselves that we are in a committed relationship or seeking them. We should chose to spend the rest of our lives and our hereafter with our spouse because we gain peace and tranquility as Allah describes in the Qur'an. This comes about with a real understanding of what love is, fulfilling each others wants and needs, and knowing when and how to seek help for our marriage.  May Allah establish mercy, kindness, love and peace within all our marriages. Ameen

Suicide Prevention

By Monique Hassan

The International Association for Suicide Prevention states that over 800,000 people a day die due to suicide with 25 times more people making attempts.

For those of us touched by suicide in some form or another, we know that this voice is an important one. The people suffering in silence need to know their voice is important, support does exist for them and they deserve to have a better quality of life where they genuinely smile at the beginning of a new day.

Warning Signs

Some people have this misconception that people talking about suicide will not really go through with it and they are just seeking attention. Most people who commit suicide try to reach out for help; they give some type of clue to those around them. Although cutting and statements like “no one would miss me if I was gone” may seem like attention seeking behaviors, they are outward expressions of the person’s pain and can be warnings of their true intentions. They need to be taken seriously.

A person considering suicide often wants to find another way out, but they are so wrought with hopelessness they see no other route left. They may talk about death, what it is like to die or outright talk about suicide with people. You may notice behavioral changes in someone such as the use of drugs, neglecting their grooming habits, a drastic change in sleeping routines and a loss of interest in day-to-day activities they used to enjoy. Perhaps someone has a family history of mental illness or they were previously diagnosed and you suspect they stopped taking their medication.

Step in!

If you suspect someone is contemplating suicide, this is not the time to be shy.

  • Talk to that person in an empathetic and kind way. Ask them what they are feeling and how you can help, be sure to actively listen to understand them. Do not argue with the person or tell them they are being stupid, they are already depressed they don’t need to be insulted.
  • Contact professional help and ensure them they will not go through this alone. Work alongside their treatment professionals to provide information about their day-to-day life
  • Be a voice of positivity in their life; encourage them to engage in activities they used to enjoy such as hiking or painting.
  • Once you think they are past the moment of crisis, talk to them about what they will do in the future if they feel those emotions again. Help them to understand their crisis plan and put numbers of emergency services on their refrigerator.

Your Voice is Important

The voices of those who have been impacted by suicide need to be heard. If you survived a suicide attempt, consider speaking to those who are currently struggling with mental health. You can be a source of inspiration and hope; you have a greater level of understanding than anyone else.

If you are a family member or friend who has been impacted by suicide, know that you are not alone and support services do exist for you. You can lend advice and support to others. You may be able to prevent a tragedy by encouraging others to step in when they suspect someone is contemplating suicide. If you are the family member of a Veteran, please contact your local VA office about the caregiver program. They provide free training, resources and stipends for caregivers of Veterans.

Suicide impacts not only the person attempting it, but all those around them. It is important to come together as a community to show support for those in need. If you see a candle lit Sunday the 10thin the windowsill of a home, know that they support you and your voice.

References

International Association for Suicide Prevention. https://iasp.info/wspd2017/

Wine of Islam & Sufism

In this episode Karim shares some fun nerdy facts about the history of coffee and how Muslims shared this gift to the world and it's connection to Islamic spiritual paths (or Sufism)He ends the show by sharing some insights regarding the importance of Sufism as the heart of Islam, love of God in the Quran and how Sufism came to be an Islamic science.